six month check in

The grape sized heart beat is now more than a pound and does gymnastics in my belly.

And I have been learning all the things that one needs to learn to prepare for a small person's arrival. So far the greatest learning curve seems to involve diapers. This will, I am sure, be a large part of our upcomming life: diapers. There are many many many more types of cloth diapers out there than I ever realized. Old school with covers, pockets with inserts, full units with buttons...and many many opinions about them all. I am living in a bit of fear and apprehension for how it will all go down, with the little one here needing changing all the time and me doing the laundry while I work on getting back to work and finding a teaching job before too long. I dont want to enter these mommy wars that are so ridiculous, but I worry that only those that make mommying their full time job are able to forgo disposables, breast feed exclusively, and do all these things that are best for the planet and the child. That is the paranoid part of me and the part that has just read blogs written by "green mommy"s and super nurturers that post their homemade organic grown in the backyard weekly menus and reports on their unschooling schooling. The other part of me, the more rational chill part, knows that its all possible and there are biodegradable disposable diapers for when you need them, and breastfeeding doesnt mean never being away from your child, and Ill be a fine mom. Not to mention, we live a really lucky life. I dont have to work a day and night shift standing behind some counter. I have a partner that is also ready to be mom, also does laundry also wants to be home, although he will mostly not be, as dictates the life of a med student. I will have a good bit of time off when the baby is new, after which I will be still be predominantly home knocking out a dissertation - damn I have it so much better than most of the moms in this world who are up against so much more.

So my pledge to myself and to my baby is to do what I can. To do what I can to be as sustainable in our living and as nurturing in our caring. Oh and to find the best baby wearer/wrap/sling out there - another thing with about 5,000 options.