I havent written any messages for quite some time. been a little bit distracted. maybe its the three jobs in philadelphia baltimore and dc, or maybe its the fact that i have a little bun in my ever-growing oven. yep, a baby in my belly!
sometimes i dont believe it. hearing the heartbeat just the other day was good evidence that its real. its terribly exciting and terribly frightening. i wanted to be a relatively young mom. i cant wait to teach a little person all the things that i think are fabulous about the world and raise them to be sweet and generous and kind. but, clearly, its a challenge that doesnt always happen so easily and it will be so hard, very hard, the hardest thing ive ever tried to do and in many ways it would be much easier to wait. wait until i and my partner are each professionally and financially established. (in addition to all the unavoidable costs, there are so many fabulous things to spend money on when you are pregnant, and for little people! even eco-friendly things like all the stores listed in the green pages, maybe for another post) but, instead of such fabulous things we are pinching pennies even tighter and a bit worried about how the necessities will get paid for and how the dissertation will get finished while the doctor in training works 90+ hours a week...oh dear, right? but. but! we are convinced that children that grow in their formative years in a house that cant buy everything or most things it wants grow up to be significantly better people than those overly comfortable and spoiled. though im sure our parents will do a fair amount of spoiling. and in the long term, even short term really with loans and privilege, we do lead a charmed existence into which we are excited to bring a little wide eyed baby child. I have until January 30th, give or take the natural order of things, to write a stellar and solid dissertation proposal and detailed roadmap of what to do to get it finished. i think it can be done. though the overly-fatigued stage of pregnancy sometimes begs to differ.
1 comment:
whoa whoa whoa!!! thrilling, gorgeous, wonderful news!!! love your ruminations and agree 100% that growing up without excess makes the most dear people. and isn't that what friends are for (well, and grandparents) - for all the spoiling of non-necessities and lots and lots of extra hugs?
hear ya on the challenges of being an academic at the same time you are birthing a new little one. it can be done. let us know what you need to make it happen.
p.s. no more marathon this october? you can still come to sf and we'll stroll around the city, slowly, on the flat streets... :)
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