struggling

i am really struggling with motivation, feeling a huge immobile mental block. there is no good reason that i should not be able to do academic work right now, the baby has not arrived and may wait weeks to do so. i am not busy. part of the problem is what i am supposed to work on, which is a paper for a conference at the end of march on a topic that is interesting for sure but not precisely what i already know about. the abstract i sent ages ago turned out to not be the line of inquiry i have followed since...that's the problem with sending abstracts before you write papers. i want to attend the conference to listen to other people, but if i am going to go i should participate, as Ive been invited to (and it doesn't hurt the cv of course). cant participate without writing the stinking paper. I'm also seriously unsure about leaving my new little baby behind - there is a chance the husbub may come along so we could bring the babe. that would be great. though involve buying another plane ticket. i already paid for the conference so if i bail now i lose money. but i am seriously doubting my ability to pull off this little feat of writing. this is what academics are supposed to be good at - one of the few things we are supposed to be good at - and i seriously doubt ill get it done. really disappointed in myself for finding it so impossible and knowing it will only be harder if i wait. unless the baby serves as some sort of muse - but I'm not trying to be a poet. so its doubtful.
usually going to a new location, a coffee house generally, helps. but the car wont start. uhuh.