somewhere in the random reading ive started doing about being pregnant and etc etc i had heard that it is somewhat customary for dads out there to give moms a present for delivering a baby (typically sparkly and expensive). i mentioned it to tim (babydaddy) who was a bit incredulous. eyebrow raised. are you kidding me? but he knows that whatever the circumstance i dont want diamonds anyhow. in fact id be pissed if he spent a gaggle of money on something so unappealing and dumb (in my opinion). doesnt help that we are scrimping and saving for things such as a crib and clearly not in the income bracket of those interviewed for the times article that bought hot tubs and louis vuitton bags (gag) to ease the daddy guilt that the 21st century sensitive man apparently gains by paying attention to their partner during pregnancy. im not going to say that pregnancy is a cake walk. sure i have looked a bit grumpilly at my physically-unaffected husband at times, but the more overwhelming feeling that i have, as a now 8 months pregoplump chick (jesus, how can that be already?) is that i am damned charmed that i have the choice to be pregnant if i want - and im enjoying it! men, and lots of women, dont have that choice. sure, ive had a really lucky healthy pregnancy. which isnt the case for all. but not everyone struggles either. when i feel the baby move, the supposedly guilt ridden partner in this process can only imagine what that is like. meanwhile i fully enjoy taking my baby on walks, and napping together in the afternoon, and feeling amazing (albeit with heartburn, squished lungs, and etc etc). the non-birthing partner can provide all kinds of support, endless kinds of support, that do not include diamond earrings. that's not to say that real heart-felt gifts are bad, but this type of expected/demanded (expensive) quid pro quo for labor, as the times article describes, borders on gross.
real partnership is something so significantly more than push-presents imply. i have, on more than one occasion, felt great comfort in knowing that i have that kind of support and cannot fathom going through pregnancy and birth alone (physically or emotionally). it can be scary. really scary. even for a strong independent women. the kind of partner support that helps one through both the fear and the heartburn is what women have really lacked for much of history. the picture of the world that the times article describes doesnt sound like progress to me.
3 comments:
i know, i thought of you immediately when i read that article. in disbelief. pregnancy really is viewed as a major inconvenience in certain upper-class echelons of society. meanwhile, hello - nevermind the benefits, like, oh, carrying a human life inside. anyway.
when's your due date?? have you and tim found out the gender, or are you waiting to know?? assuming you won't be traveling to NE this year...
ha! When I was pregnant with Lily I heard about "push presents" for the first time. I made the mistake of commenting to Michele about how ridiculous I thought they were and the shouldn't the push present be the newborn. Yeah...she got a ring for each child...oops.
When I was pregnant with my first, my husband asked me if I felt I *needed* a present for birhing a baby. I said that of couse I didn't. I still don't think I *deserved* a present, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have something special to commemorate my children's births. Maybe birthstone necklace or something. For our 10 year wedding anniversary (still a few years away), I'd like to have an anniversary band that has all of our family's birthstones in it.
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